19 days

holyyyy canoli i have 19 days til im not a vir....i mean....single anymore! the weddding is in 19 days i can not believe how fast this time has gone by! its weird because the days seem so long like it will take forever to get here, but then for some reason the time until then goes by fast. i just contridicted myself but you get it. So things have been crazy and stressful. yikes. Ill admit that ive been a little crazy myself...but i would like to meet one girl who wasnt while she was engaged. Seldom does a day go by where i dont cry or freak out. I'm sick of crying and arguing with Rob over stupid little things that dont matter lol. We got along just fine the whole year we dated until now...i just cant wait til the wedding is over so things will chill out. I am in wyoming visiting my family this weekend and just being home for a couple days has already taken a huge load off my shoulders. There really is no place like home thats for sure. I feel just totally calm and happy right now for the first time in weeks. Its weird not being with robbie though too...i see him everyday. Its weird not being with him especially on a friday night. He sent me a message earlier saying it was weird me being gone. I kinda dont know what to do with myself haha. I played some pinochle with my mom, watched some TLC and ate some good ol wyoming taco johns mmmmm. I talked to my dad and watched kelli chase a grasshopper. It was HILARIOUS. She would sniff the hopper then it would jump so she would follow it to its new ground and sniff it again. Then it would hop. Then she would follow it and sniff it again and so on and so forth for about 10 minutes. It was sooo funny. I konw that does not sound very funny but i guess you just had to be there. I was laughing pretty hard. It was funny watching her try to catch it in her mouth. I had missed my dog so much. People just dont understand unless they love dogs as much as my family does. She is literally a part of our family. WHen i came home today she would not leave my side and it felt so good to have the companionship of my dog this evening. Its so nice having someone who is always excited and happy to see you no matter what. ewwww i just killed a spider. I hate spiders. I am surprised i actually had enough courage to kill it myself. But i had to my dad is asleep. Anyways 19 days and counting....and thanks for the warming lubricant jessica youre such a pervert :)

Time to start using birth control! weird...

so our air conditioning broke today and it was 100 degrees. ick. so the wedding is in little over a month and its so crazy! i am so excited. planning is going well and invitations should be going out in the mail in the next couple weeks. I had a long and overdue phone conversation with my best friend lacey tonight. it felt so good to just talk to her. We talk over the internet quite a bit but its nice just to talk to her personally...well over the phone anyway. It always reminds me of how much i do miss her and need her in my life. If i had to pick one friend to keep for the rest of my life it would definitely be her. I think that as we get older and get married we forget about the friends around us and that is pretty much inevitable i believe, but there are always a few people that you just cant ever let go of, and she is one of those people. I want to keep her in my life forever :) If it was possible, i would want to be sealed to her haha. But enough said, I love her and im so excited to see her soon.

Robbie and i went wakeboarding the other day for the first time this summer and it was so much fun! He is such a good wakeboarder i was impressed. He fell one time but not way hard or anything, but it sure did a lot of damage. We were both sore, but thats normal for after youre done on the lake. We didnt think anything of it so the next day he had his soccer game. After the game his sore back got worse so we went into my hot tub. BAD IDEA. HE really had hurt his lower back and when we got into that heat, it made the muscles in his back expand and created this huge knot in his back. It literally looked like there was a softball underneath his skin. I have never seen someone in that much pain personally. That night he woke me up at 330 because he needed to go to the ER. So his dad and i took him to the hospital and they said he tore some muscles in his back, (a lumbar strain or something liek that) and now it was bleeding inside and the muscle had started to spasm. I figured it would last just a little while, but it lasted almost three whole days! Poor rob was in so much pain and originally the doctor at the ER perscribed him some loritab and a muscle relaxant to help the pain, but those medicines didnt seem to even phase the problem. So on monday night he went to another doctor and he prescribed him some stronger narcotics and a different muscle relaxer. It seemed that rob couldnt get one second of relief. It hurt when he laid on his back. It hurt when he laid on his stomach, when he sat, when he knelt, when he stood. It was horrible. I hated watching him in so much pain. Finally, after the doctor gave him some stronger stuff, he started to get some relief. He could finally fall asleep for the first time in a few days and i just would sit on the couch for hours at a time and just let robbie lay his head in my lap in sleep all day. The only bad part about the stronger pain pills was that they would make him sick and he threw up a couple of times. But today he was able to go back to work and it seems like its getting better. He is still sore but hes doing a lot better which i am very thankful for.

As for me, I am getting ready to move out of my apartment and into the new one rob and i signed for for when we get married. I am going to live in it all of july until august when we get married and he can move in with me :) I am pretty excited. It is a very very nice apartment complex and is brand new. I am trying really hard to watch what i eat, pray more and read my scriptures everyday. I havent been doing my best at that lately but im really trying hard to do better than i have been. Other than that im still looking for a job in the layton/ogden area and its been really hard. I cant seemt to find anything. Tomorrow i am going to go to my last resort option and apply at restaurants. Aghhhh i hate working at restaurants. Well its ok i guess i am a good waitress and its great money, its jujst that the hours suck really bad at restaurants. Nobody makes money during the day, and if you work an evening shift youre usually there until midnight. But im sure ill figure it all out.

I am so excited to see lacey and ally soon. i cant wait! Welp i had better go to bed now. ta ta.

Mawwwaige is what bwings us togedda today...

Dang...i never write in this. i look at lacey's and get so jealous that she remembers to update it. i really need to get with the program. I also added some pictures to the side that are recent so look at them! I thought it was a good time to update though...some super duper exciting news...so after about a year of dating, rob and i are engaged! yay!!! we are getting married August 6th in the Salt Lake Temple. Thuper excited. Ya we have had our rough patches but at the end of the day, i just cant live without him. We broke up in the middle of march because something felt off in the relationship. We decided to date other people for a while and it was weird...it wasnt as hard as i had always imagined. I had always thought i would just be completely devistated if we were to break up, but i wasnt. It was hard,but i really just cant explain it. It was good to realize though that i could be happy without him, because i think that its important to know that if you were to lose that person, you could still go on living. Not too long after we broke up, robbie decided that he knew i was the one he wanted to marry. He had gone on dates with other girls but when he was with them i guess he just couldnt stop thinking about how they just werent "me". I was really hesitant of getting back together with him, and after a lot of thinking i had decided to give him another chance because he really is just an amazing person...and im really glad i did :) after a couple weeks of dating again, i realized that he was the one for me and i never wanted to part with him EVER again. It was kinda crazy...i was so hesitant and unsure, and then one day i just woke up and knew i wanted to be with him for eternity. And now we are getting married :) I am just on cloud nine let me tell you...

So planning a wedding is alot harder than you think of when youre a little girl. Dont get me wrong, i am having a blast doing it, but it is VERY stressful and i find myself on the verge of tears almost all the time lol. It is a lot of work. And i have been crying alot. but im kinda just being a wuss i think. I am trying not to take this time for granted because its so short and i will never get to do this again. Im trying really hard to soak in the good fun things like picking out the flowers and doing my hair, rather than freaking out about how our insurance is going to change and we will have crazy taxes. On one day in particular, i tried on 9 hours worth of the wedding dresses. Yah...you can imagine that would be torture, but i really did enjoy it. I knew it was something i would never get to do again.

I really just cant wait until August 6th....i love him so much! He is amazing. He works harder than anybody i know, and he doesnt complain about it one bit. He is sweet and generous to me and i have so much fun with him. Our lives will be wonderful together and i iknow for sure that our kids will be really really cute. haha. dont judge. They will be.

We put a deposit down on our first apartment in layton. It is a gorgeous apartment. Its in a brand new complex and it is just great. We got a pretty good deal on it too.

Other than wedding stuff...life has just been normal. I still raid the 5 dollar movie bin at wal mart at least once a week, have been eating lots of cereal like usual and spend entirely way too much time on facebook. Its great to be so incredibly happy. I realized that when you first wake up in the morning, or at any time for that matter, that the first few seconds where you are just realizing where you are, who you are, and what youre doing, are not necessarily happy. It takes a few seconds to put together the pieces of your life to realize where youre at. But the other day i woke up to a kiss from robbie (sleeping beauty style) and that moment didnt even occur. I was just overflowing with happiness the second i woke up. That might not make sense to whoever is reading this, but hopefully somebody can relate. Basically, it was just the best feeling in the world.

Anyways, ill keep you updated hopefully better. mmmmmmmkay bye.

wow i need to update more

dang gina i havent written since October 2? thats a long time! it doesnt feel long at all though....time has just been flying by so fast!

so since october let me think....first semester was kind of hard. it was hard for me to get motivated and go to class. but i did the best i could for my first semester back in school. i have met some amazing friends down here. i have become really good friends with a girl named laila...shes nuts. but i love her. man i dont even know what to say. its just been the same thing the past few months. its been really hard to find a job in a city where there are tens of thousands of college students and only a select number of jobs. but, finally, this past week, i got a job! wooo! its at a salon, and at that point i was just happy to get any sort of job it didnt matter what it was. hmmmm....so christmas break. let me tell you about that. xmas break was a lot of fun, it was really good to see all my friends back home. the only thing that sucked was that it was 3 weeks away from robbie. that was tough. i miss robbie when im not with him. it doesnt matter if its 20 minutes, a day, or a week, the second im not with him i miss him :-) so that sucked. it felt like it did the first three months he and i talked...just had to wait until the end of the day until he could call me and we could talk for a couple of hours. im just thankful its not like that all the time anymore!

new years was fun too. i went with my family to san francisco to visit dallas and kirsten. that was alot of fun and we did alot of cool things, but i felt like a 5th wheel the entire time. dallas had kirsten, my dad had my mom, and i just kinda did my own thing the whole time. oh well though.

so yeah second semester has started and it has been pretty good so far. ive been pretty good about going to my classes....well except for the past two days lol. im sleeping better than i used to which i feel so blessed that i can actually fall asleep before 2 am most of the time. there have been a few things that have been really hard to deal with the past 6 moths. some very personal things, but im doing my best and have been praying for help. rob and i are still doing really well, and we try to see each other as much as we can. he is such a busy person, it kind of stinks. he is such a hard worker, which is a good thing, but sometimes it gets hard seeing all the couples at my school being able to see each other every single day as much as they want, and we cant. he is taking like 18 credit hours or something insane like that, and then working like 35 hours a week too. but i guess he has to do what he has to do, and ill support him in it no matter what. we still get along very well. we never fight. i mean, sometimes we have our little bickers, but not very often. he makes me so happy! we have a good time together and he knows me better than anyone on this planet. it kind of scares me how im almost positive that he knows me better than myself. its really hard to keep our hands off of each other, but we are doing our best lol. ive never been so attracted to anyone in my entire life. and hes never had a problem with it either. but we read our scriptures together almost every night, and have started going to church together, and i think that has helped alot as well. its been about 7 months now, and things are only getting better.

other than that, ive been snowboarding a few times and have been having so much fun! i went night boarding with rob last week for the first time and i had a blast! it was amazing! i have also become addicted to bagels. i eat them almost everyday. except for i ran out of them today so thats a problem. i should be starting my job this week and im excited to start earning money. hooray! rob and i are also taking a trip to casper february 6-8 so it will be nice to see my family and lace face. i miss her so much! anyways, i better try and get some sleep now. later!

It's been a while!

Wow i cant believe i havent written since july 23rd!!!! So let me fill ya in since then...i basically just had the BEST summer ive ever had!! it was so much fun! i became friends with a few people i never thought i would...they actually became my best friends. I hung out with bj smathers, tyler smathers, colt beddes, brittany bennion, and kaylee beddes constantly. we were always at the lake, or doing something really fun.bonfires, playing slots in church, being dumb, etc. i was so bummed when it was time to go to school. Everyone left! well...except brittany lol. BJ is in provo, colt is moving to st. george, tyler is leaving on his mission soon, kaylee got a track scholarship to UW, mike brummond and mike mcquade left on their missions, and im in salt lake city. Sad day! but it was so good while it lasted...hopefully we can reunite at christmas time :)


So now i am in utah going to school at LDS Business College in salt lake. I love it so far...it has been so much fun so far, and i know it will only get better as the school year goes on and i meet more and more people. Im rooming with sarah smith, a friend from back in casper, and it was a perfect fit haha. we have really meshed...we dont get annoyed of each other and things are just super chill with us, which is good. We have had some good laughs together. School is going good, i am not required to go to all my classes so i just do the homework and turn it in online..which totally rocks. haha i am so far ahead right now. A few weeks before i came here i got a stomach ulcer and it didnt go away until a few days ago. that blew.. but it was good. forced me to eat healthy, but at the same time it was no bueno having my stomach ache constantly.

Ya ya ya...and now ill tell you about the boy :) im still seein Robbie..(i never told you his name in the last blog because i didnt want to jinx it..) He and i havent missed a day of talking to each other since the end of June. Since the first night i talked to him i knew he was going to someone i couldnt go a day without talking to. June through August were a rough three months..I could only talk to him on the phone and i just wanted to see him so badly! Even though we talked everynight for over 3 hours it still just wasnt enough. So in the first few days of august he came to visit me in casper. It was amazing getting to spend time with him! we had so much fun! at the same time it made it harder to survive another month without seeing him. it was like only eating one skittle out of the bag, he and i both agreed. We got a taste, but we wanted more! Well since i moved down here i get to see him a few times a week..which is amazing compared to how i never got to before. He lives about 20minutes away up in farmington so its still a little drive. I get to see him a few times a week but it still doesnt feel like enough! haha...i could honestly spend every second with him and not ever get sick of him. We have so much fun together! Its funny because i have never met anybody who can read me so perfectly..he honestly knows EXACTLY what im thinking all the time just from my face or my tone...ive been successful at hiding certain feelings and thoughts from people over the years...but not him! He reads me like a book..which is a good AND a bad thing. We just mesh really well :) Some of you havent seen any pictures of him, but hes 23 dark blonde hair, 6 feet tall, and the biggest puppy dog eyes youll ever see! He is so cute! Anyways...things are going really great with him. i cant wait to see where it goes.

Other than the excruciating job search, everything is going well :) life is amazing right now and i wouldnt change any part of it. I for sure miss my friends and family back home though. and my dog kelli. i miss her a ton. welp im upto date now! wooo! bye!

updateness.

so its been like a couple months since i updated this. i need to do that more often considering this is like my journal. hmm....so a few months ago i was really down. like reallllly down. my best friend was at school....someone i spend 90% of my time with when home...i had just been cheated on, and i was feeling more depressed than i had in years. I was working as a waitress at Old Chicago and it was ok at the start...i mean, i was making alot of money. It just gets really old serving gluttons their food and being treated like a slave everyday. not to mention the hours were horrible. late nights are no bueno. The atmosphere there was just wasnt what i was looking for. especially when all your co-workers love to curse and talk nasty....words start popping out of your mouth that you never even thought about saying before. So i quit. I applied for a position at the boys and girls club here in casper. The hiring process was sooooo long and crazy. Drug tests, background checks, interviews, etc. But i finally got the job! I have been working there since May and it is an awesome job. Yes, some of the kids make me want to pull my hair out and scream, and yes, the pay is horrible...but its something i know thats worth my time. Its just for the summer anyway right? Its really cool being a part of something bigger than just getting money to pay the bills. Im getting to play with kids...help them...and get paid for it!

Aside from that, this summer has been so fun! My prayers were really answered! i have been hanging out with the best group of friends this summer. I couldnt ask for more. I have become really close with some people i never really thought i would. Its the end of july now, and i leave for school soon. Im so excited! i cant wait to go to salt lake. Im working on a housing situation to live in an apartment with sarah smith and a couple other girls...yay! I am off medication and basically happier than i have been in years! Living rocks! plus lacey gets home this weekend and i cant wait to reunite with my bestie! yay!

So this is the part of the blog where i update on my dating life haha.......oh jeez. So dating has been crazy for me the past year....i havent really found any guys i want to have a relationship with...well...one...but he decided to be a manwhore so that didnt work out. I have dated around a lil bit this summer and its been alot of fun. Nobody i feel completely gaga over though. Until like a couple weeks ago. but we'll see how that works out :-) Well...i wont tell you his name...but i met him..he lives in utah. He is super cute and genuine. I love talking to him more than anyone else. We talk every night for hours...and we never run out of things to say. ever. He makes me laugh so much...and his voice is really hott. (the voice thing was kinda an inside joke) Its the first guy ive really clicked with in a long time. Our personalities just really mesh. its freakin sweet. Plus, he is my type. I have trouble finding my type haha. The way he talks, the activities he likes to do, the way he dresses..its just me :-) Just one more reason to be super stoked to move to utah! i can hang out with him all the time!

So.... life is good. i cant complain. Yeah, ill really miss living with lacey this fall...but who knows. Maybe ill get to room with her later down the college line. i really miss her...and even though she is far away, she'll always be my best friend. I love her soooo much! wow....i made that sound like we are dating. awkward. anyways. haha. bye.

gayness.

So i have a problem. Every single guy i have fallen for in the last year lives at least 400 miles away. Why? I couldnt tell you. Its dumb. Freakin distance sucks and im sick of hurting all the freakin time. Casper is a black hole, and i cant wait to get out. I hate to be negative and complain, ( i really do...i hate complainers) but i really cant help it right now. I am so sick of this. so gay. There are no boys in casper, and if they are in casper, they are kind of just visiting. I have dated every guy in casper that i have wanted to over the years and there are absolutely none left. I can not wait to move at the end of this summer to rexburg. I am sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve...but its something i was born with. I get hurt way too easily, read into things too much, and feel like the guy im looking for doesnt even exist...and when i find a guy that comes close, he has to live across the freakin universe. I come off as a tough cookie with tons of confidence....but the truth is...i am entirely too sensitive and have the lowest self esteem on the face of the planet. Its weird how everything in my life turns abruptly....like its never a slow gradual turn...its always a sharp turn...one minute my life will be falling apart...the next its completely perfect...then the next its in shards again. I know for a fact that ill have another "sharp turn" for the better but until then it really just sucks. These turns come out of nowhere and i cant wait until my life decides to throw me another good one...because i dont know how much longer i can take these unfortunate events with boys and distance and falling fast and whatnot. Its completely emotionally and physically draining. I am just exhausted all the time and that just makes me breakdown worse than i normally would. gah. life quit being freakin gay. kthanks.