gayness.

So i have a problem. Every single guy i have fallen for in the last year lives at least 400 miles away. Why? I couldnt tell you. Its dumb. Freakin distance sucks and im sick of hurting all the freakin time. Casper is a black hole, and i cant wait to get out. I hate to be negative and complain, ( i really do...i hate complainers) but i really cant help it right now. I am so sick of this. so gay. There are no boys in casper, and if they are in casper, they are kind of just visiting. I have dated every guy in casper that i have wanted to over the years and there are absolutely none left. I can not wait to move at the end of this summer to rexburg. I am sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve...but its something i was born with. I get hurt way too easily, read into things too much, and feel like the guy im looking for doesnt even exist...and when i find a guy that comes close, he has to live across the freakin universe. I come off as a tough cookie with tons of confidence....but the truth is...i am entirely too sensitive and have the lowest self esteem on the face of the planet. Its weird how everything in my life turns abruptly....like its never a slow gradual turn...its always a sharp turn...one minute my life will be falling apart...the next its completely perfect...then the next its in shards again. I know for a fact that ill have another "sharp turn" for the better but until then it really just sucks. These turns come out of nowhere and i cant wait until my life decides to throw me another good one...because i dont know how much longer i can take these unfortunate events with boys and distance and falling fast and whatnot. Its completely emotionally and physically draining. I am just exhausted all the time and that just makes me breakdown worse than i normally would. gah. life quit being freakin gay. kthanks.